Marco Polo

Today I learned that Marco Polo spent 24 years traveling in the Orient, including Mongolia and various parts of China. He started when he was 17. He brought back an exhaustive knowledge of the cultures of the East. He traveled with his father, Nicolo, and his uncle, Maffeo. 24 years is a significant chunk of time. I have been in the workforce in education 35 years. I wonder if anyone wants to know about my travels. Likely not. Marco didn't write his own book, but a close friend wrote it all down. Anyway, some worthwhile things take a long time.

Hole in my pants

There's a hole in my pants, just between us you and me
You can find it down my left leg, just exactly by the knee
But it ain't a big deal, 'cause I'm workin' in the yard
And the work is kinda dirty and it's also kinda hard

So I worked all day out in dust and mud and stuff
Doin' farm hand work that is manly and it's tough
And I don't care much 'bout that precious little rip
After all, who's gonna see it, I ain't tryin' to be hip

Well the sun shone down and was gettin kinda hot
But it's no concern, just my pants are goin' to pot
Gotta get things done, 'cause today must be the day
To get the yard work done, 'fore I go to work for pay

Well the day's now gone, and the work is mainly done
Time to get cleaned up, then to bed I'm gonna run
In the shower I get in, while outside it's gettin' dark
And I look down my leg and see a big red mark

And I don't know where it came from and I don't know what it is
I don't recollect me bumpin' or in hurtin' kinda biz
Then I see it's only one knee and I know that there's a chance
That I got a case of sunburn through the hole that's in my pants.

West Haven

I am writing this post from Front Runner. We spent this last weekend moving from Kaysville to our new home in West Haven. It was an exhausting experience. It took us 4 trips with a 24 foot Budget truck to complete the move. Then we have been unpacking for the past two days. It is very frustrating to try to find things when they are all boxed up. Everyone helped though and we are able to live at our new home. It is beautiful. It is smaller than our home in Kaysville, but I think that is a good thing. We are carefully evaluating all our "stuff", wondering if we really need some of the things we have. I am wondering if it is time for me to sell my drum set. I don't use it much anymore, and it's about 40 years old. It just doesn't seem like there is space for it.

This is all pretty trivial I suppose. But this marks a significant change in my lifestyle. We are back in the country with cows out the front window and horses out the back. The people in West Haven are friendly, but very different from the folks in Kaysville. There is a much more laid back lifestyle here, and the house is in a very quiet area. I believe Billie and the kids will be very happy here. There is no shortage of work to do, and I think that really has helped everyone. Accomplishing work is very satisfying and fulfilling.

It is time to reevaluate my goals and ambitions. I expect to be here for a good long time. I want to more fully fulfill my purposes while I am here. I hope I can align my ideals closely with what my Father in Heaven would have me do. I have been richly blessed and I express my gratitude to God for the way he has taken care of me and my family. He has sent His angels to me in my hour of need, and blessed me with good people to help us in this stressful time.

The family is doing well. Derek hired a builder to build a large shed on the property up in Echo ranches. It is complete now and Derek is excited and happy about it. We haven't seen it yet, but Derek took some pictures to show us. I want to see it up close and then decide if that is what we want to do also. That will be another chapter. Hillary and Will are on their way to North Carolina. I will miss them and solicit blessings in their behalf. Lael and Elise seem to be doing well in Logan, although I don't personally talk with them much. As always, Billie keeps track of everyone. She networks with the kids every day on the phone. She works really hard. We have both pulled extremely hard to make this move happen. I have felt the presence of my Father in Heaven and feel that this move is what He wants for us. I don't know exactly why yet, but I am sure I will find out as time goes by.

Free Choice

Maybe you are wondering what all these entries have to do with free choice?

I have been struggling with acceptance of the circumstances I am in. I wouldn't really say that I am in bondage like the Isrealites, but I keep pushing to become liberated and achieve fulfillment in other areas. I love my family dearly, and have a special place in my heart for the three J's, but my flesh is very weak, and I sometimes have a difficult time mustering the energy and attitude to be a good father and husband. The little ones take so much time, and sometimes it's hard to go through the whole child-rearing process again. I have haunting thoughts that I am too old for this.

Don't get me wrong, Jasmine, Janae, and Joseph are precious little children and can be as adorable as can be. My problem is that I just keep focusing on other things and I want more time to expand and grow myself (wouldn't you think I would be about past that by now?) Billie told me today that she has accepted the station she is in and is confident that Heavenly Father will give her all the time she needs. She told me that the difference she sees between her and I is that she feels she has time, and I am continually pressing for time. I think she is right. I am not content with just rearing children and am continually looking for free time to develop talents in other areas - writing, puppetry, production on the computer, music, etc. I have a wide variety of interests. I guess I am somewhat discontent with the way things are now and am looking forward to a day of "deliverance" when I will finally be free to become what I want. I wonder if there will be enough time then. I know I need more faith in my Heavenly Father and the plan he has set before me. I don't think my desires are evil, they just are in the wrong priority. I wish I could communicate with Father more ably and be more willing to follow his direction. I guess I don't fully trust Him. I don't know that he will liberate me in the way I want to be liberated.
So, is my situation in life bondage? It requires a lot of me and ties me down, but I'm sure the Lord doesn't see it as bondage. I believe it really is ann effort to free these special children from a history of bondage. I wonder if Moses felt he was in bondage with his special assignment to free Israel. It certainly took a lot of time and effort and didn't always produce the results he was seeking. But he did have to learn to do it the Lord's way. I still wonder if there isn't a way to achieve the things I want to do - writing books, producing puppet shows, developing musical talent, within the situation I am in. I can't blame the Lord for it, because I did have a choice in it. I do know that it is His will that I give my very best efforts to these little children, regardless of what that means in my station of life. I have to be willing to sacrifice the typical lifestyle of my peers who are my age and see what I am doing as a special assignment from the Lord. Then, I need to learn to thoroughly trust Him! I believe that is truly the path to true freedom. May the Lord strengthen me and help me and encourage me so that I can develop the faith I need to believe that His agendas and purposes are truly higher and more worthy than mine. I am still in bondage to fear and distrust. I wonder if the hopes and dreams I have in my own agenda can be achieved within the framework He has provided for me?

Lotsa "me" and "I" in this blog entry. A change in focus is also needed.

Freedom from Egypt

I have been asked to teach the Gospel Doctrine Sunday School Lesson on March 28th (Dad's birthday) in our ward. The topic is the whole story of Moses, including the Exodus. Seems like a lot to teach in one lesson. I think I should prepare a few handouts with facts, then try to draw out a few key issues for discussion. It has everything to do with freedom. I was greatly impressed by "The Prince of Egypt" when it was first produced and its emphasis on free agency and the Lord's plan for Moses. The children of Israel were in bondage and yearned to be free - praying for the Lord send them a deliverer. So are we in bondage? From whence will our deliverer come? I think a few questions might spur discussion.
1. Moses was an innocent baby when he was set afloat. Was he a victim of his circumstance? Do we sometimes feel victimized by the circumstances into which we are cast?
2. Moses was on the path to becoming very powerful in the Egyptian ruling class, until he found out that he was a Hebrew. What are we on our way to becoming? Have we found out who we really are? Do we know how the Lord would use us?
3. Why did it take so many miracles for Pharoah to release the Israelites? Why couldn't it be done in a single miracle and get it over with? What is the impact of miracles on our lives? What has the Lord done to deliver us?
4. Why did the children of Israel have such little faith once they had left Egypt? Did they have unrealistic expectations? What did they want? Why was it so difficult for them to obey? What obstacles keep us from moving forward with faith? What are the obstacles you face that keep you from moving forward.
5. What was the purpose for the Ten Commandments? How would you categorize or summarize them? How would things have been different without the commandments? Do you feel like there are specific commandments for you? Are there rules in the gospel that provide strength for you?
6. Describe the ways the Lord dealt with Moses. In what ways did He strengthen him? How did Moses' experiences affect him? How is the Lord dealing with you?
7. What are the similarities in the story of the exodus and the life of the Savior? How does the Gospel of Jesus Christ make one free?
8. Where is the promised land for you? How long will you take to get there?

Well thats a start. I'm sure other things will come to me in the coming week.

Story Ideas

I wanted to use Pulling My Strings as a blog to illustrate how I am going about gaining control of my own life and pursuing my own personal quest for freedom. I love to create and record stories and poems, largely fictional, but often based on true experiences. I had three ideas for stories tonight and I wanted to write them down before I lose them. The first is "Stories in the Dark" which is a real life based account of telling stories to my three adopted children (the three Js - Jasmine, Janae, and Joseph). They love it when we go to one of the upstairs bedrooms before bedtime and turn off the lights and make up a story in the dark. Sometimes we pass the story around, each of us telling a part and then leading into another part for the next teller. Sometimes I just make the whole story up by myself or give them an opportunity to fill in blanks as I go. Night before last I made up a story of "The Fox and the Egg" which turned out pretty good and I think could be used in a puppet show or storytelling event. The third story I had an idea for was to tell about my experience with the dentist and ensuing jaw spasms that maybe I will entitle "The Smile Exercise." Let's see if I can write about one of the ideas tonight.

The Fox and the Purple Egg

In a deep, dark forest in a land far away there lived a wily fox. He had beautiful soft, reddish fur and a long tail. This fox liked to hunt at night when most of the other animals had gone to bed, for there were fierce animals in the forest, like the bear, the mountain lion and the badger.

Just as it got dark one night, the wind started to blow fiercely, and it whistled through the trees and rustle the leaves. "Ah," thought the fox, "what a perfect night for hunting. The noise of the wind will cover my steps as I sneak through the forest and the strength of the wind will erase my scent so that the other animals will not smell me.

The fox decided to go clear through the forest on this night to the farmhouse near the edge of the woods. He knew the farmer there kept chickens, and the fox thought there would be nothing better than to have one or two chickens for dinner. Maybe there would also be eggs that he could help himself to, without causing a great stir in the henhouse. So into the barnyard the fox crept and dashed through the shadows to the henhouse. The wind continued to howl and moan as he stole from bush to tree to shed.

Arriving at the henhouse, the fox quietly poked his snout through the doorway. Moonlight peeped through a vent in an upper wall and dimly lit the nested hens and roosters inside. They lay quietly sleeping, shielding their heads with their wings to keep out the noise of the wind and the light of the moon. All was motionless inside. The fox considered how he could grab a chicken and drag it out the doorway without disturbing and awaking all of the other chickens in the coop. Then he thought that maybe he would first check for eggs in the nests and see it he could get a few with minimal disturbance to all the roosted fowl. He quietly sniffed his way down the aisle to a large brown hen in the middle of the lower row of nests. He could see that the hen was sitting high in her nest, and reasoned that it was very likely she was sitting on a nice egg. Carefully he poked his snout into the stacked hay beneath her and nosed around to search for an egg. He quickly nudged a very large one and in a quick and precise movement close his jaws around it and yanked it out. His action was smooth, and the hen resettled in the hay without awaking. The egg was so large that the fox's jaws just barely fit around it. This was a great prize to him and he turned and slipped out the door, though the barnyard and back into the forest, all the while thinking how very clever he was to have acquired the egg completely undetected.

"I will take this egg back to my foxhole, and eat it there," he thought, relishing the idea of a delectable midnight snack. He loped through the woods and was soon at the entrance to his hole. He set the egg down outside the hole to admire it in the moonlight. The wind was still blustering through the trees. Upon setting the egg down he was greatly surprised to find that it was a pastel purple color. The moonlight seemed to light the egg with a delicate purplish golw. He had never seen a chicken egg this color. He was very hungry, but even more curious, and he wondered at the color of this egg. What special chicken could be inside? There must be something truly unique about the chick held inside this purple enclosure. He decided that he would hunt tomorrow for more sustenance, and wait for the egg to hatch. After all, it would at least provide a tasty meal of a young, and very large chick. He pushed the egg inside his burrow with his snout, and lay down to rest until morning.

As the new day began to dawn, the fox awoke and looked over at the egg. He was very hungry now, since he had not eaten the previous night, and his mouth began to water as he focused his eyes upon the egg. It almost looked to him as though the egg had grown some since last night, and he stretched his jaws wide and closed on it, straining his jaw muscles to get some grip on it. Then he released it and looked at it some more. What a strange color for an egg. He wondered if there was something wrong with it. Maybe the egg would poison him if he ate it. He waited and watched.

In the early afternoon the egg started to move back and forth in a jerky kind of motion. A Tap-tap-tap, tap-tap-tap, tap-tap-tap noise came from inside the shell. The fox eyed the egg keenly. Suddenly a small yellow beak poked a hole in the shell. Then the shell seemed to collapse as a yellowy ball of fuzzy feathers emerged. The chick struggled to get on its feet, then wobbled about, peeping as it went.

"H-m-m-m," thought the fox. "He's bigger that a regular chick, but he doesn't act any different." The chick turned and looked directly at the fox. He hopped over and rubbed up against the fox's soft fur. "Oh, no," thought the fox, "he thinks I'm his mother." The little bird peeped a few more times, then found his way to the fox's tail and settled in the long nest-like fur strands.

"Oh my," thought the fox. "What will I do now? He is kind of cute, but he is a chicken. And everybody knows, foxes eat chickens! Yes, but look how big he is! My, he will be a tasty meal when he is fully grown. If I can just wait that long!"

When the chick awoke, he followed the fox out of his hole into a meadow. The fox sniffed about and then suddenly sprang upon a small field mouse. He carried it back to the chick and laid it before him. The chick looked indifferently at it, and hopped aside peeping and peeping. He was hungry, but a mouse was not what he wanted. The fox dug in the ground and pulled out a nice lily root. The chick was uninterested in this too, and his peeping got louder and louder. "What to do, what to do," the fox thought, looking wildly about for something to give the chick. "If I can't feed him, I'll just have to eat him." His mouth watered and he began to move toward the chick. Then suddenly the peeping stopped. The young bird had found an ant bed and was hungrily devouring ants. The fox watched for a moment, then ate the mouse and the lily root himself.

As time went on, the chick learned to feed himself pretty well in the meadow. There were plenty of bugs and he also found lots of different kinds of tasty seeds in the grasses. The fox became rather protective of the chick. The little bird followed him everywhere, and the fox knew when to hurry into his hole to avoid danger, the chick following closely behind. It was only a few weeks when the chick grew into a much larger bird, with beautiful feathers and a brilliant red comb on top of his head. There wasn't any more peeping, but instead there was clucking and crowing, especially in the morning when the sun came up. The fox became rather fond of his growing child, but he was even more fond of the plump, muscular chicken legs, wings and breast that would make a wonderful meal someday.

The foxhole was soon just too small for the two of them, and the fox didn't know how to keep both of them safe, without an enclosure of some kind to hide in. The chick was now a rooster. It was time for the fox to prepare his dinner.

The day came for the feast. The fox went about his normal routine, so as not to raise any suspicion from the rooster. The large bird scratched about in the meadow, looking for seeds and insects. The fox led him carefully to the edge of the meadow, where a steep embankment created a dead end where it would be easy to catch and devour the rooster. The fox circled around the bird, trapping him in the small canyon. He focused and crouched, ready to spring upon his prey. His eyes grew wide and his mouth began to water as he readied for the kill.

Then a most amazing thing happened. Just as the fox was ready to launch himself at the rooster, the bird suddenly flew into the air, screeching and crowing as he went. He lighted on a nearby tree limb and screeched down directly at the fox. The fox was startled so much by this sudden move by the rooster that he jumped backwards in shock. As he did so, a large dark shadow bolted over him. A mountain lion landed directly where he had been poised to attack the rooster. The mountain lion growled and roared at the fox, but slipped in the sand where he landed. He scrambled to regain his footing, but as he did so, the fox had enough time to disappear in the nearby brush. The rooster flew from one branch to another, not far behind. His startled crow had saved the fox.

The fox, seeing the rooster fly from tree to tree, designed a wily escape route. As he rounded a bend in his path, the rooster, unable to change direction quite so quickly, flew directly in from of him. The fox leaped upon the bird, and closed his mouth upon the bird's neck. Now he ran faster, with all the speed he possessed, to put distance between him and the mountain lion. His mouth watered as he ran, and he could taste chicken broth as he carried him along. The mountain lion's roar faded in the distance. He zig-zagged through the forest and sprinted his best until he reached the farm house where he had originally found his splendid rooster. With a great jerk of his neck he opened his mouth and flung the rooster over the chicken wire surrounding the coop. The rooster flapped his wings and scooted to a landing. The fox looked one last time at the rooster as other chickens crowded around him in the barnyard. The rooster, returning the fox's glance, crowed magnificently. He had earned his freedom. Now the fox knew why he never could eat the chicken of the purple egg. He darted back into the forest and headed for home.

Butterfly Circus

2-21-2010
My seventeen year old daughter showed us a video on the internet today entitled "Butterfly Circus." It is a very well done short film about a young man born without limbs who has a job in a circus side show. The young man in the video is a real person, Nick Vujicic. The video is inspiring, with a strong message of hope for all. Everyone can do something and has something to give.

I have felt like the problems we are having with the recession are a result of dashed hopes. What we need is people who know they have something to give and are determined to do so. Selfless service can certainly cure the economy. It is the essence of freedom. Those who give are more free than others. Giving for others in ways that enables them and does not make them dependent is truly freeing. I have to learn to look outside myself more to experience real liberty. We must produce and give as much as we consume. I had thought that it was important to produce more than we consume, but I am not sure in the eternal scheme of things that this is possible. I must acquire the attitude of giving and cheerfully helping others to be fully free myself. I have to be wise and open enough to truly help and not enable bad behavior as this film points out so well.

Gratitude is another element of freedom. It is paramount. So much is given to all of us. God's blessings are infinite. Acknowledging the source of good and giving thanks are also elements of freedom. Gratitude itself multiplies blessings and creates an upward spiral leading to more empowerment and freedom. The empowerment is personal and communal - as righteous desire is spawned from thankfulness thoughts and actions turn to the well being of others. These actions in turn spawn gratitude and soon the whole society is on an upward spiral of productivity. It exemplified in man-made economic theory, but is born of God.

Tenet of Zen

The first tenet of Zen Buddhism teaches a reverence for all life forms. A story is told of an aged Buddhist monk who was walking one day with a young disciple. The monk walked slowly along a dirt path and occasionally paused, stooped down, and swept aside the surface dirt on the path. The disciple observed this and queried his master.

“Why do you brush the path ahead of you?” he asked.

“My son,” the monk said, “I brush to remove the insects who might otherwise be crushed by my feet as I walk.”

The young man thought for a while.

“But master,” the young man replied, “there are so many bugs. You can’t possibly avoid them all. What you do really makes no difference.”

The monk bent over and pointed to a beetle, picked it up and set it out of the way, next to some ants that he had previously brushed aside.

“What I do makes a difference to this one” he said.
The young man understood and continued on his way with the monk in silence.
This variation of the old starfish tale provides some interesting thoughts to
consider. Sometimes we push issues and programs so hard that we unknowingly “crush” others who we didn’t observe that were in our way. A basic ideal of civic education is respect for others. How important it is for us to be aware of the desires, ambitions, and freedoms of others as we plan programs to educate our youth.

As a second point, our efforts to reach even one (and especially one) are always worthwhile. Sometimes we spend a great deal of time trying to affect a large population of students with a lesson plan, activity, program, or policy. What is more often needed is a more committed and concentrated effort to reach just one who is in great need. Any genealogist can readily tell you how many generations can be affected by one life. It doesn’t take but a few generations to produce a multitude.

On the Street

2/19/2010
I was on my way back to the office from a Literacy Conference in the Salt Palace today. I walked to and from the conference because of parking expenses, even though it is almost a mile away. While I walked along on Main Street, I noticed a young man in kind of worn clothes and a red baseball cap just ahead of me. He didn't look like a homeless panhandler, but it was apparent to me that he was in need. Suddenly he turned around and addressed a question to me that I didn't quite hear.

I approached him cautiously, not knowing quite what to expect. "What?"
He asked me if I knew anything about the LDS church. I replied that I did, and then he asked me if I knew how the agent bishop sytem worked. I told him that I did, and he told me that he had been to the church office building and asked if there was a place that he could stay for the night. They told him that he should go inquire at the homeless shelter on 4th South. He did and was told that he couldn't stay there unless he could pay the $17 fee. I asked him if he had a place to stay and was told that he lived with some room-mates on 8th South, but it was not a good situation and that he couldn't stay there that night. I asked him how long he had been unemployed and he responded that he had a job, and that he was a student at the University. He had a hard time talking and told me that he was not a vagrant. I told him that I could help him with some money but that we would have to go to an ATM to get it.

I normally don't give to people on the street, but this young man didn't appear to be a pan handler. I looked him in the eye and didn't sense any trace of drug use. He didn't smell bad or anything despite the fact that he looked a little scruffy. We walked to the food court area in the ZCMI center that wasn't quite finished. I withdrew $40 and gave $20 to him. I talked with him as we walked along. He told me that he was studying computer graphic design and wanted to work as an animator. He had already graduated with a degree back east and had come to the University of Utah after a series of jobs that he held had gone bad. He told me that his parents were due in town tomorrow to help him move from his bad situation. I felt impressed to give him my business card and invited him to call me if he had problems. I felt that this was an honest, genuine young man who was just having some bad luck. I didn't know if he would call me back, but I almost hoped he would. I think he has some good potential and was a good person inside. It is now almost 10:30 at night and I haven't heard from him, so I guess he has found lodging for the night.

I usually avoid anyone who I think might ask me for money, even to the point of avoiding eye contact and walking away. But invariably I feel bad about it and wish that I would help others more than I do. After this young man left I noticed another fellow across the street who looked to be bundled up like many homeless people are, but who was carrying a young child in a baby carrier. I wanted quickly run across the street and give him the other $20 I had in my pocket, but I restrained myself and reverted to my normal avoidance behavior, though it was breaking my heart.

So who was blessed most by the events of the evening? Avoiding those in need locks chains of guilt on those who pass by. I hope I can give more and be wise enough to bless others when I can. Giving and caring create purpose and meaning in life that is real and should be more the direction that leads to freedom and inner peace.

2/21/2010
Jarrad Gubbar (that's his name) called tonight. His mom and his uncle don't arrive until Monday morning. He needed a place to stay on Saturday and Sunday nights. I offered again to have him come and stay with us here in Kaysville, but he was uncomfortable with that arrangement and wanted to stay in Salt Lake at the hostel ($17 a night). After some discussion I decided that I would send him $50 on my VISA card. I asked him if his mom or uncle could reimburse me on Monday and he told me he thought that would happen. I know that I have to be willing to not require reimbursement (I ended up paying $74 - the fee for Western Union is $24). I sent the money to his name and he picked it up at Smith's Food King in Salt Lake. I wondered if I had been a patsy, but he isn't a homeless bum. He is bright and lucid and I think has been a victim of perhaps a couple of bad decisions. He called me from the Joseph Smith building. He was comfortable in the hostel and didn't want to inconvenience me. I hope I have or can help him without being taken advantage of. I don't expect to give him any more money. I am still willing to help if he wants to come and stay at our house, but I can't afford to support him on my credit. I don't expect any long term commitment, but I would like to help.